proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
cat food counts as protein by the way
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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