Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Help. Why am I so naked?
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