Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
