I love black thongs
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
