Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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