before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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