The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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