her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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