I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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