My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
