Hey man sorry I got all grabby
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
