i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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