dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
