"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
