I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
