I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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