i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
