she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
