The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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