Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
