I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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