He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
