Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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