Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
