My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
