just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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