im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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