i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
