White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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