I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
