im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
worst night to have a conscience
vagina is talking i cant
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
