on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
