my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
