Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
