Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She's the barista slut.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
