between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Ladies don't puke and tell
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
