69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
