Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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