OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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