TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
