His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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