whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
