He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
