Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
