Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
