So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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