So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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