it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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