I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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