Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How external is "for external use only"?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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